Sunday, November 30, 2008

Scenes We'd Like To See (Ms. B1tch's darker side)

Scenes We'd Like To See:

When Lady in Fur Coat comes in establishment and tosses Fur Coat at host/concierge, without making eye contact, and with a sneer of "I don't have to treat you like a human because I don't consider you one," sashays away into dining area where she then proceeds to order waitstaff around and then loudly talks into her cellphone (though she's been told not to, please), and then rejects the food she ordered, rejects the next one, too and then doesn't want to pay her bill because nothing is to her satisfaction.

The concierge/host puts a deceased mouse (no, she did not kill said mouse herself! and it was not in the establishment of course, for that is a clean place!-just use your imagination where a deceased mouse can come from - come on, play along with Ms B! teehee) in the pocket of Lady In Fur Coat - or!, even better, she carefully slits open the lining, places something smelly and nasty, but flat and light, into the lining of fur coat, then sews it back up and then later innocently gives back the now stinky and soon to be stinkier fur coat. "Your coat, Ma-damn?" teehee.

When Manager comes in establishment in a bad mood and takes it out on staff.

Staff ties him up, drags him into the freezer, pummels him with a chicken carcass, and leaves him there until he begs for mercy. Staff is fired, but it is worth it.

When Rude Gentleman Diner waltzes in as if he owns the place, ignores host/concierge/matre d's calls of "Just a moment, sir...." and sits his happy butt anywhere he wants, snaps his fingers at servers, and then complains his food isn't good enough, the staff is incompetent, and his drink is watered down.

Concierge, as representative of over-tired and over-worked staff, calming walks up to Rude Gentleman Diner, picks up his drink and splooshes it in his face, ka-dumps his remaining food on his lap, grabs him by his lapels, drags his ass to the door, opens the door, kicks Rude Gentleman Diner in the ass until he goes flying out the door, points to him and says, "When you know how to treat people, then you can come back, otherwise, get yer ass on down the road."

When Difficult Table of Four harrasses poor server, insulting, demeaning, demanding, demoralizing.

When server has finally had enough, no, server does not spit on food, server goes to kitchen, steps into freezer (where manager is still lying there with chicken ass imprints on his cheeks), gets the Secret Box off the shelf, takes the item out of the Secret Box, puts it on the grill, hums a snappy tune until secret item is all cooked, puts secret item on a fancy plate with fancy sprigs of herbs, takes fancy plate with secret item perched upon it to Difficult Table of Four, and serves it to them with a big ole grin on her face. Difficult Table of Four jumps up and screams in disgust. What is Secret Item in Secret Box in back corner of Shelf? It's a secret - so don't be that Difficult Table......muwahahahahahahaha!

This has been a dark side of Ms. B1tch. Sorry you have had to witness such darkness. Teeheehee.

Now, Ms B1tch feels ever so much better with her "Scenes We'd Like To See..." - she feels lighter in her step~! She thinks she will go see what Roommate has prepared for dinner....

Why, it is Turkey Pot Pie - Comfort food! Ms. B loves comfort food! With a salad of romaine and a ripe red juicy tomato....ahhh.

Ms. B1tch had a question emailed to her! She loves questions! She will answer it on her next post.

Tootles Everyone!


Stephen said...

Dear Ms. B, Too funny! Years ago I was tending bar at an upscale and trendy restaurant in Schaumberg a north west Chicago suburb. The bar was always busy and we served wine in oversize glasses. A woman at the bar finished her wine and went to the ladies room. I reached for the empty glass and it was gone. Peering over the bar I saw the glass in the woman's large purse. I thwacked the glass with a heavy knife handle and smashed it to bits inside of the purse then resumed my duties. When the woman returned and saw what happend she did not say a word as she slunk out of the bar. True story. What could she say? " Hey! Some one broke the glass that I stole."
As ever be well, Stephen Craig Rowe

Small Footprints said...

That was hilarious! Here's my tale ... once when I was very young ... just barely old enough to legally work ... I was hired to help cater an event. One guest became very rude (won't go into details here). When I had had enough, I went to pour coffee and missed ... oops ... all over his lap. That job didn't work out. :)

Thanks for sharing your darker side.

Small Footprints

Angie Ledbetter said...

I'm very partial to Ms. B's dark side. In fact, I've had many of the same thoughts when working for dictators and rich snooty people in several different capacities! Thank you for sharing with us. I wish rich snooty people would have to wear shock collars for about 6 months...and anyone who was "beneath them" could send a few volts into their juglars when they deserved it. Bet they'd not throw their fur coats at others for a very long time.

Stephen's stolen wine glass story made me laugh too. Bravo! (Waving to Little also.) :)

Joe's Foster Dogs said...

I formally invite you for a foot massage...

Albert, Sally, and George!


Barry said...

I think you need to rent Ms B's dark side out for special occasions!

I can think of situations where it would have come in handy!

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