Saturday, November 15, 2008

To Ms B's Throne came the Big Ole Man glaring at Lil Ms. B1tch!

Ms. B1tch stood at her throne. Across from her, on the other side, stood a big big man. A big man with a head of wiry wild hair. A big man with wild hair and a big head. Big man, big hair, big head, and big piercing eyes. The man boomed, "Just a bit ago, I called you eight times and no one answered." Glower glower glower!

Ms. B put on her best smile. The blank-faced smile, the one that hides whatever is going on behind the smile and leaves only the smile. The one that hides Ms. B thinking something smart-assy. She answered the Big Man, "Why, how can that be so? I have been right here!" Then Ms. B thinks, well, most of the time anyway, for Ms. B sometimes has to do other things and some of those other things takes her from her throne! Ms B is only one person! Ms. B thinks Management needs to think about some of those things Ms. B is doing before she stops doing them and then with regret says, "well guess we can't reach an agreement, see ya!" And Ms. B sashays out the door, her cute butt swish swish swishy all the way home.

Big man glares at Ms. B, but Ms. B thinks she detects a bit of mischief behind the glare, so she lets a bit of her real self show, and says, "Well, I'll be. I can't imagine why your phone call didn't get answered! That is a shame...Next time you call, I will be sure to answer your call, Mister Man You!" Ms. B shows all her teeth in a big ole smile~! And means it, too, since he is kind of cute in a big ole huge scary man kind of way! And the man gives that glower, but there is a twinkle in his big ole glary eyes, and Ms. B is glad he isn't a winker! He begins to ask Ms. B1tch for something.....wellll.....

Well...meanwhile, right when Mr. Big Man is standing there, towering over Ms B1tch, the phone is ringing off the hook and Big Man is talking to Ms. B telling her something he wants, and Ms. B is looking at him, looking at the phone that is ringing off the hook - and thinking "Oh the Irony!"

Finally, Big Man lumbers off, and Ms. B1tch laughs to herself, shaking her cute little head. But, she kind of liked the big ole man and hopes he'll glower and tower over her counter again soon. For later, there were some women who weren't so fun and interesting. They gave Ms. B the "Once Over and Away..." which as you can guess means they glanced at Ms. B and then looked her cute little self quickly up and down and then looked away, probably with a sniff. Ms. B knows how to look haughty too - and that is just what she did...she looked haughty, with her haughty smile and haughty tilt to her head, and stood at her throne, Most Be-B1tchly - for Ms. B doesn't give a hoot! Ms. B1tch has dined with governors and not given a hoot, or maybe one time she said, "he isn't so bad even if he is a crook! what a charmer! (and she may even have almost giggled! oh dear!)" Ms. B has dined with Senators and Representives and Yawned with boredom. Ms. B has sat with theses that have and laughed or yawned, and sat with thoses who have not and shrugged or had the time of her life. Makes no difference to Ms B what you gots or not gots, who you are or you ain't...

On another note, if Ms. B turns on the Food TV Network and one more time Miss Paula Deen says, "It's OUTTA THIS WORLD!" with food hanging out of her mouth and then cackles with food hanging out of her mouth, Ms. B1tch will drive all the way to Savannah and b1-otch slap Miss Deen's Butter.

Ms. B is hungry --
She really really wants this:

Ms. B1tch will return.


Barry said...

Hilarious! Beautifully written. I love it!

Just like the big glaring man, I'll be back for more.

Stephen said...

Dear Ms B, When I don the Tuxedo the poet and painter are dressed within me and expressed in my actions at work. The confrontation with a Butthead is rare and dealt with accordingly. Smile! I have the ability to turn the guest around and they end up thanking me. Oh yes, if ever they do give me the glare, they see my eyes, read my thoughts and face as I stand tall and smile. Mumms the word but I like gin. Grin! Great post! As ever be well,

Angie Ledbetter said...

LOL, Ms. B. You're presiding over your throne well.

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