Friday, January 15, 2010

Ms. B1tch ain't gone, she's just . . . ethereal

Ms. B1tch has been naughty naughty naughty. She's neglectful! A new year came stompin' on in and Ms. B1tch hasn't been by here since August! Shameful! shame shame shammmmefulll!

What Ms. B has been thinking about is Food Network TV, again. What the hell is going on over there? yes yes, the wonderful Ms. B has asked that question before, but Ms B was hoping something would be done so she wouldn't keep flipping it off - um, flipping the channel off that is, oh fiddle dee dee! - and instead? Instead Ms B has spent more time on Bravo...just sayin'! Food Network gets louder and more chaotic every day. Oh, but at least they get to sell their knives and pots and pans and such and do commercials (gnaw) and make LOTS of money, even if some of them sell out ...of their pots and pans and knives of course ...fiddle hee hee.... ...oh dearest me. Ms B don't point fingers at just one when most the whole lot of them is scrambling to make a gazillion clams (oh had to use food for money of course) off food network and vicey versy, righty?

If Ms B sees ONE MORE show about Cakes, she will upchuck - puke - forcfully expel stomach contents - VOMIT - enough with the cakes, FN, whatsamatterwidya?
And what happened to . . . see, guess that already says it - since I already forgot their name. Never mind.

And bless their loud mouth hearts, but more and more of the Food Network, um, er...*cough* "Stars" (oh Ms B is laughing at that word - how arrogant some of the food network foodies are becoming and how they are acting like "Stars" oh oh oh! Ms B is amused!) . . . Ms. B laughed when she watched one of the FN foodies say "I mean, after all WE are the FOOD NETWORK - they surely MUST impress US and be impresed by US, we are FOOD NETWORK!" One had the feeling one was supposed to genuflect!
as Ms B was saying, loud loud loud! And MORE MORE MORE and BIGGER BIGGER BIGGER and . . . if Ms B sees the contents of food in mouths ONE MORE TIME, Ms B will (see vomitus statement above).

And pleeaazee, Mr. Alton - PUH LEEEZE eat something...why ..why you've become so gaunt, and Ms B is worried about you...oh dear. She loves you - she truly does. Though, you still look handsome and mischevious - you dear . . . Ms B wants to plant a kiss on that cheek, come here...come here you, Alton! sweet dear.

Ms B misses Hell's Kitchen with the loud mouthed foul mouthed Brit - oh she shouldn't, she couldn't - but she does - some GRIT there, some REAL, some loud-mouth that has TEETH to it...yes! pant!

Wait...hold on....

OH! Ms B has to run -- some one is at Ms B's door. Who? you may ask . . . Ms B doesn't kiss and tell ...

Ms B never ever promises what she cannot keep, so Ms B will only say that she will try to come back soon - and try to come back more regularly.................BUT!!! BUT BUT!!! you can't fault Ms B1tch for having a full and fruitful and vegeful and meatful life, now can you? Oh of course not - of course you forgive Ms B1tch - -
And, she will try not to talk about FN - or! Ms B will next talk about what she LIKES about food network - yes! that would be nice, don't you think . . . I bet you think no. I bet you like it that Ms B is dishing out spankings! ha!

see you soon........