Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Ms B1tch takes a question about "Food Revenge" by restaurants

Angie Ledbetter said...
Ms. B, I have a question -- What is the worst thing you've ever seen kitchen staff do?

Oh, Miss Angie! You are looking for dirt, aren't you? You are looking for nasties and yuckies, aren't you? You want the inside scoop, do you not? You watched such movies that show all manner of disgusting behavior in the kitchen and you wonder, "Is that true? Do the kitchen staff really spit upon food? Drop it on the floor and serve it? And worse!"

But Ms B is here to re-assure all you restaurant going people that in most kitchens the cook/chef are dedicated to their jobs. They love what they do. They adore food. Food is their life, and to nasty up the food would be akin to slapping their granny and calling her a naughty name! Blasphemy!

(That said, Ms. B went into a kitchen recently to visit a Chef concerning something with her alter-ego, and the kitchen was nasty nasty nasty! Ms. B thinks she may ask to see the kitchen of places where she will eat from now on! A nasty kitchen is Blasphemy! This kitchen and staff should be stricken from the books of Food Lovers everywhere! shame on them SHAME SHAME! Ms. B1tch should sick handsome Gordon Ramsey on their sorry buttocksesesses!)

Ms. B1tch knows of one time when she brought back the sashimi (sushi grade) tuna because the patron said, "this isn't cooked enough" - oh alas and alack, Ms. B1tch trudged to the kitchen, knowing how Chef would be torn asunder! would be aghast! And indeed, Chef was disgusted, angry, put out, and his wittle tender feelings were sorely tromped on - He bleated, "My Tuna! She wants me to cook my tuna until it is a rubbery mess! Goddammit all to hell blankity blankity blank." Ms B smiled sweetly and said, "Yes! She is rubbish! She stinks to high heaven! She is a heathen! But, she wants that tuna cooked more, sorry Chef." And Ms B handed him the tuna and waited with a beautific smile, but a sympathetic one, for Chef. He did not defile the tuna. I did not defile the tuna. And Patron received her rubberized tuna and was happy. Chef sighed and sighed. Ms B went back to kitchen and said, "Oh Chef! You are King! You are all and all! That patron does not deserve any more of your offerings! Begone Tuna Defiler!" Chef was placated. And back to work we went.

The worst thing Ms. B personally saw was a fight between a patron of the restaurant and Chef. Oh! Ms. B thought they'd kill each other! Patron screamed, "I'll KILL you!" Chef exclamated, "I will cut your head from off your shoulders, you you scally wagging blankity f**E*$R blankty mother*#$#*!!!" Knives were brandished! Fists were fisted! Faces were screwed up into raging boiling masts of MAD. But, no food was thrown. No food was defiled - the Food Is Sacred.

Ms. B has heard of "revenge" on patrons who are nasty nasty big bad nasties! but, Ms B and her waitstaff and Chef would find another way to avenge that did not Defile The Sacred Food, as most restaurants and fancy clubs will do.

Ms B will return. She hopes this answers your question, Miss Angie, but if not, Ms B will be happy to re-visit this issue!


Angie Ledbetter said...

LOL, you answered it with an app, an entree and a big honkin' piece of dessert! (I just had to ask...since I worked in a chain steak house once...and saw many many of the unmentionable defiling acts most people have nightmares about.)

Barry said...


Brilliant, Ms B. A dazzling insight into what goes on behind the scenes.

It leaves me both reassured and rolling on the floor holding my stomach in agony--from laughter, not food poisoning.

Anonymous said...

Yes.. But I know for certain some younger types make their revenge upon customerz in the form of saliva and semen in disguise of delicious meal.. A Fact.. despite their innate love of food.. young people man most establishments and they have inequitable douchey wrath!