Friday, November 7, 2008

Ms. B1tch the RestaurantB1tch becomes Ms. B1tch the Food B1tch...and finds a new home...

October 08
Food Network TV Gone Wild
What is going on with Food Network? Ms. B1tch asks bitchingly. Are they losing touch? or just their minds? It has become like watching some kalaidoscope toy except not pretty and interesting. Things are twirling round and round chaotically! They try this, they try that, they try the other, they get rid of this person, they move that person, they annoint a Food Network Star and then they are never seen again, they push certain "stars" on its audience that make Ms. B cringe, they relegate to the wee hours ones Ms. B think are calming and make the food look so very good, and instead show over and over and over and over and over again other "stars" who are getting too big for their Food Network britches: it's all a matter of tastes, yes, but for god's sake, Ms. B is turning off Food TV Network more than turning it has no rhyme or reason to it....

Meanwhile, Food Network TV is not watching how some of their "Stars" are behaving because they are busy going "Who? What? Where? Why? How? Ooo - ee- oo -ah ah- ting tang walla walla bing bang!"

Ms. B1tch always loved ole Paula Deen - but lately, ugh ugh! Ms. B1tch curls her lip in disgust! Why must Ms. Deen stuff food in her mouth until it is oozing out the sides, and then she talks, and dribbles half chewed food onto the dish below ...ugh ugh! and let's her bird drink out of the punch bowl -- ugh ugh! And her cackling laugh that was so charming has become earth-shattering. And why won't she tell us what the food tastes like? What does "out of this world" taste like? Or "mmmmmummm ummmmm ummmm uummmmm ummm" taste like? I know that Ms Deen is well-loved, and Ms. B has well-loved Ms. D, but it is wearing thin thin thin as the YUCK factor bomblasts her! (And why those big rings that suck up infested meat and butter and cheese and grease and dirt and deposits it in other foodstuffs..ugh ugh ugh! it only takes a moment to remove rings whilst cooking!) Listen to me, Paula Deen - Ms B1tch knows so many things! So, you canoodled with a married man for ten years, so you smoke almost 2 packs a day, so you lie .....errrrr *shudder*...nekkid with your Michael and discuss The Other Man - who cares, that should remain your personal life, but of course you made it everyone's business (to make more money? don't you have plenty? or to just tell your good ole story - maybe so maybe so)....but please, please Ms. B does not want to see half-chewed food oozing! Or nasties in your rings! Or sucking your fingers and then using said fingers to fiddle with the food...ugh ugh!

Ms. B1tch thinks that when "stars" of Food TV or in Hollyworld become too "famous" and make too much money, they become annoying....or annoying-er in some cases. They lose their sense of their self and of their place and begin to think they are hovering above the world in a bubble of goody goody gumdrop.

Oh, now some will disagree, but Ms. B1tch thinks Rachael Ray finally received the point in her jittery head and calmed herself down a few notches. Ms. B can actually watch her show without having a seizure! Good for Ms. Ray...although I do not use her recipes so much, I can appreciate the appeal to some.

And now, that cute big old boy who can't wear big ole boy pants even when dressing up and is sort of stuck in an 80's haircut but she thinks he's still cute as can be and all - well, now Food TV Network is turning him into some kind of whirling dervish in a "Paula Deen Meets Emeril Lagasse Party Show" ... . Ms. B will see, she will see what she sees when she sees it, but Ms. B worries her Guy with the Big Bite may have bitten more than he should chew...

Ms. B has more to say - doesn't she always? But, she is hungry again. And wants a snack. And what that snack will be she will only know once she rummages into her kitchen and says "AHA! FOOD FOOD FOOD!"

Ms. B1tch will return....2:52 PM Add a comment Send a message Permalink View trackbacks (0) Blog itOctober 02
Ms B and Wine...sip sip (or slurp slurp if you had a bad day!)
Ms. B1tch went to a party. It was a casual party. Ms. B1tch went to the party with an empty stomach...oh but she was hungry! Someone handed Ms. B some wine and Ms B drank it quickly. She did not mean to, but she wanted something in her stomach! Even whine would do. Ms. B didn't find out what kind of wine it was, but it was chilled and it was white. Ms. B likes white wine sometimes. Ms. B drank another glass of wine and had nibbled on appetizer, then another glass of wine. Ms. B listed to the side when she walked, so she decided no more wine! However, after Ms. B found food to eat, at last, she drank onnnne moooooree glllassss. Ms. B felt fuzzy around the edges. She felt giggly and wriggly. Ms. B laughed at everyone's jokes. Ms. B ate and ate - she had two desserts!

When the party was over, Ms. B went home and readied herself for bed. Oh, but Ms. B couldn't sleep. Tossing and Turning, all the wine and food and two desserts had a war in her stomach. But it was worth it, yes yes YES!

Ms. B wants to tell you something about wine. No, not that it makes you list to the side and laugh at everyone's jokes even if they aren't funny and giggle and the like, but, if Ms. B wants to tell you that if you are still drinking White Zen, you must try some Good Wine. White Zen is starter wine - oh yes, there are those of you who will say "I do not care. I like my white zen..." and to that Ms. B1tch says, "PEESHAW!" White Zen is like wine and KoolAid - no, it is not really that, Ms. B said it is LIKE that. Please, for Ms. B, try some good wine - white or red - Ms. B does not care. There are so many to choose from. And do not try only Merlot - merlot merlot merlot - merlot can be heavy - try a light Pinot Noir! If you like whites, try a Pinot Grigio. Did I spell that right? what did I say on Miss Crazy Jean's site? I am not an English Teacher, I am not a Spelling Wizard - or if I am, perhaps I don't feel like being one here. I am free. I am free to be a bad speller and a bad grammaratinarian.

Now, I must go. I am hungry again. Ms. B1tch's hungers are Wide as the Sky! Ms. B has appetites! Ms. B's alter ego is stupid - she really is! She won't eat this or that because it is "Unhealthy" -- PEESHAW! When Ms. B takes over her body, Ms. B eats whatever Ms. B wants! Take that and THAT!

Pass the cheesecake, please.

Ms. B will return. Ms. B makes no apologies for any errors in her post. Ms. B just does not care one whit.12:55 PM Add a comment Read comments (1) Send a message Permalink View trackbacks (0) Blog itSeptember 27
Ms. B1tch and the Indian restaurant...ahhhh bliss
Ah, Ms. B1tch had Indian food yesterday. When Ms. B walked into the restaurant, and may she say that Ms. B1tch was looking mysterious in Black with red hi-heels, and Ms. B looked sexy and her butt was proud in those black pants, yes. Mrs. B1tch walked with head up and hips rolling - a woman, and Ms. B is no exception, has those days when she just feels luscious.

So, Ms. B opened the door to the restaurant and Oh oh oh! the aroma! Ms. B practically floated to the table, where she was meeting some "People in the Know" who are salts of earths and down to earths and wonderful conversationalists and Ms. B approves! And in the restaurant, Ms. B inhaled the spicy smell all the way to her toes! The curries! oh!

The tablecloths were dazzling white - Ms. B approved. And each table setting was done to perfection - Ms. B also approved. Though the restaurant was not "five - star" and the prices were not outrageous, this Indian restaurant created an atmosphere of luxury and beauty for a reasonable bill. Ms. B1tch so very much approved.

Ms. B ordered a glass of pinot noir and it sang across her tongue! Then, the food - oh the spicy glorious food! She ordered a little of this and a little of that, and there was not one dish that didn't have its own unique flavor, yet, they were also familiar and similar in their arrangments of spices. The dishes were spicy and just this side of "hot" but not hot for hots sake (like Ms. B can be hahaha!) but the heat from a good hand with the spice. The wait-staff filled waters without asking, and they were handsome beautifully handsome waiters with dark intense eyes. Ms. B1tch was happy, and her innards were more happy as she ate most everything on her plate, leaving only a little--Ms. B doesn't apologize for her appetites!

Only one thing marred the entire meal (which flowed with conversation and anecdote and even a little gossip, and although Ms. B mostly listened since she had no gossip or if she did she kept it to Ms. B!, she giggled and nodded anyway and one bit of gossip about a sort of "wannabe" famous person on a network that has Food that made Ms. B say, "Well, I'll be!") and that one thing that marred the meal was a bay leaf in Ms. B's potato and spinach dish. She placed it in her mouth without knowing and as soon as she did - oh oh! Ms. B was in a quandary! One can't eat Bay Leaf! She had to be ever so discrete...yet, someone was talking directly to her - what to do but hold that bay leaf in her mouth and wait for the right opportunity to withdraw it un-noticed!

Ms. B1tch left the restaurant, replete. Satisfied. Happy. She will return to this Indian restaurant.

Oh! Ms. B received a call from the fancy schmancy place where she will be doing some concierging! She is to make an appearance to meet some of the staff and to be measured for a beautiful suit - Ms. B will be Ms. Classy B1tch in her get up. Ms. B1tch will sway upon her heels and be gloriously B1tchy whenever she can get away with it.

Ms. B1tch will return.
1:02 PM Add a comment Read comments (1) Send a message Permalink View trackbacks (0) Blog itSeptember 21
Restaurant B1tch, Ms. B1tch is Back ...The B1tch is Back
Oh, do you all remember Ms. B1tch? Of "Restaurant B1tch" fame? Yes, it is I! I is I! Me is I! It has been much too long, but Her Queen B1tchlyness has come back. And why? Because she is about to embark on another Restaurantb1tch term, oh my yes she is! Soon, very soon, Ms. B1tch will be working in a new place where food is served and people eat and mill about and make noise and snap their fingers and who knows what else they may do....oh dear!

This place where Ms. B1tch will be working a few hours here and there is a very special kind of place for very special kind of people! Why, they are quite special! It is quite exclusive, it is. Oh yes.

And when Ms. B1tch sets her Queenly feet into this place and begins her new journey here, why, Ms. B1tch KNOWS she will have much to b1tch about.

As if Ms. B1tch couldn't have come here and b1tched about any number of things other than restaurants and exclusive clubs...for Ms. B1tch is b1tchy, the queen of b1tch!

In her real life, she must hide the b1tchliness...

Now, her old site is still lurking, but Ms B1tch couldn't get to it any longer...since it'd laid fallow and putrid for two years! Why, Ms. B1tch is aghast!

Here is the link to Ms. B1tch's site that she can't get into and thus had to go through ALLLLLL the trouble of making a brand spanking new site...humph....

Ms. B1tch will return soon. Her new "job" will begin soon...and Ms. B1tch will once again be plunged into the Land of People who Sometimes Suck.

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