Friday, January 9, 2009

Releasing Roaches -eyewwwwwwwwwwww, Miss Angie...! eyewwwww

Angie Ledbetter said...
I have a question: If you saw a patron open a pill bottle and let a roach run across his plate AFTER he'd eaten his meal, then complain to management and refuse to pay for pest-infested (hey, I like that) food, what would you do? Oh, 'specially if this was at big arse fancy club.

Well Miss Angie; Ms. B1tch would bide her time. Ms B would wait. Then, when the Patron walked past Ms B's throne, Ms B would quietly approach (eyeww- look at the word in approach!) him and say, "I saw what you did. How can we settle this?" and patron would take out a fiver and Ms B would laugh HAHA, then he'd take out a tener and she'd guffaw GUFFAW, and he'd start sweating and take out a twentyer and she'd stare him down, and he'd really begin to huff and puff, and he'd take out a fiftyer, and Ms B would just fold her arms, and he'd say "But my meal was only $85!" And Ms. B would say, "But what price your reputation, sir....what price your reputation..." And he'd hand over his heart.

ha.ha! Of course that is not what Ms B would do. Ms. B would tell him what she saw and that if he ever did that again, he would encur the wrath of Ms. B's pretty little shoe up his arse! She would lightly consider telling fancy club manager. Oh, I suppose she would tell Maitre d' -- since he's a cutie patootie...tee.hee.

Oh! Mr Barry said... - send those goodies my way. Ms B1tch barely got one tiny little goody! She is famished and parched and wasting away to nothingness, sorta kinda. Ohhh heavy fainting heart!

Fantastic Forrest -- shall we fight over Gordan Ramsey? Or will we be lady-like and share...Hmm, I suppose he is man enough to cook for both of us. Yes? Yes! of course he is. But no snake...no reptile...nothing that eats or rolls in it's own poo. So let it be written! So let it be done!

Now, if Ms B disappears or has not visited you, do not you worry! For sometimes Ms B must do things. And those things takes her away from here. But she loves you all! She sends you kisses and muwah muwah!

(and do you not wonder about the man with the strange gifts? Well, he came in with his wife and child - and then the next day came in again without them and sat at the bar and brooded -- Ms. B is keeping an eye on this one...No! not in THAT way - for Ms B does not play the games or play the players. She is, after all, Above Reproach (oh oh , there is that icky word within a word again ..eyewewww yewwwwww).

53 comments:

Barry said...

I have a question MsB.

We were out over Christmas to a buffet. The waitress was friendly and efficient. She brought our drinks and asked if we wanted dessert (we didn't).

When I came to pay the bill I left the usual amount as a tip, but my brother maintained that since you don't get full service from the waitress at a buffet, you shouldn't be leaving the regular tip.

I have never done that. Have I been cheating myself all these years?

By the way, my Word Verification is "dishem". How strange!

Angie Ledbetter said...

Thanks or answering my question, Ms. B. I guess I won't bring my roachy pill bottle to YOUR place. :)

sebastian_09 said...

haha wow!! you are on of a kind! I love your writing. very interesting and original

Fantastic Forrest said...

Darling Ms. B -

I don't mean to encroach
on your lovely wordplay
but I did want to broach
a thing I've got to say.

If we two were to approach
our dear Chef Ramsay
prof'ring fish for him to poach,
he might not obey.

I think there may be many more such requests coming his way. A google search of "Gordon Ramsey threesome" yielded 42,200 hits. So we'd best not get our hopes up, mon chérie!

You are wise to beware the strange gifts man. I am worried he planned to present you with his wife and child, but when he confided his intentions to them, they left him. Who knows what depraved thing he will do next?

Stick close to Maitre d' Cutie.

Smoochies!

CLAY said...

What a place to stumble upon! I love your musings! Adopt me Ms.B!

Cheers,
Clayrn Darrow
M.IV

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