Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Ms. B1tch's day off

Mr. Barry - CPC? ha.ha! You are so clever! Tee.hee.

Ms. B had a day off. So, Ms. B went to lunch and ate quiche that was fluffy and light, with a glass of wine. THen Ms B strolled along in her cute little clothes with her cute little boots and her cute little feet a-clomping upon the pavement. She watched people go to and fro. She said hello to old men and old ladies. She touched a sweater because it was soft. She almost bought a big fat huge furry blanket (maybe she will buy it later!) She stopped in a chocolate shop and bought yummy dark chocolates. Ms. B1tch pondered pondered and pontificated the Fancy Club. Sometimes Ms B thinks she wants to flee flee flee and never return. Perhaps she will. Perhaps Ms B will turn her mind to other things. She walked and ate her chocolates and pondered and pondered.

Ms B1tch went to her email to see if there was a question! And there one was:

Ms. B1tch, there's this concierge at a fancy club. I've given her candy and a pen and a coupon and yet she doesn't give me anything back but a puzzled smile. What gives? What can I do to impress this Queen Do you think pocket-lint filled candy isn't good enough for a woman? A used pen, even though it's a good pen, won't make her say hooray? A coupon for coffee won't make her blush and kiss my feet?

ha. ha. - Ms B is teasing! Of course I didn't get THAT email...tee.hee.

Ms. B has no questions in her email right now - boo. and the hoo!

How can Ms B spread her knowledge across the land if no one asks her any questions. Oh sorry sorry day. Oh Poor Ms. B...(tee..hee.)

Now, Ms B1tch loves to read about food, and look at food, and eat food, and Ms B1tch is open to all manner of eats. But one thing Ms. B can never, will never, can not ever ever eat or understand is this:

How To Prepare A Rattlesnake For Good Eating

now I shall go. I leave with one request: Oh Gordon Ramsey; Ms. B1tch wants you to cook just one meal for her! Just one little bitty meal. She asks nothing more - just to stand in her kitchen and cook cook while Ms B watches and waits. Ahhhhhhh, Ms B can dream


Angie Ledbetter said...

hehe on Gordon Ramsey dreams. I have a question: If you saw a patron open a pill bottle and let a roach run across his plate AFTER he'd eaten his meal, then complain to management and refuse to pay for pest-infested (hey, I like that) food, what would you do? Oh, 'specially if this was at big arse fancy club.

Fantastic Forrest said...

Ooh, Gordon Ramsey. He is very yummy. I could eat him.


I was always sad that Professor X and I never went to the Rattlesnake and Bear Feed in Imnaha near Hells Canyon when we lived in eastern Oregon. Then I could explain the snake thing to you. But I can't. We should meet up there some year.

With Gordon Ramsey....

Barry said...

I need help, Ms B!

As I innocently go about my appointed tasks, they watch my every move. They are the ghosts of Christmas Past.

They do not lurk, they flaunt. They are brazen.

Some even have theme songs that sing in my head as I pass by. Sirens, I need to be tired to the mast to avoid their seductive nature.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I love turtles!"

They are the left overs treats from Christmas and New Years. Turtles, Ferro Rocher, chocolate covered Almonds, Licorice all sorts, Coconut macaroons, All Dressed Potato Chips, Pot of Gold Chocolates, Tortilla Chips, pickled beets, olives, onions, gerkins....

Is there no end to this madness!

We have given them away to anyone who comes near our door.

"Oh here, please take these with you."

We have thrown all opened packages into the garbage and recycling.

But there is no end to them.

Am I doomed Ms B doomed. Have they have won.