Ms. B1tch ain't gone, she's just . . . ethereal

Ms. B1tch has been naughty naughty naughty. She's neglectful! A new year came stompin' on in and Ms. B1tch hasn't been by here since August! Shameful! shame shame shammmmefulll!

What Ms. B has been thinking about is Food Network TV, again. What the hell is going on over there? yes yes, the wonderful Ms. B has asked that question before, but Ms B was hoping something would be done so she wouldn't keep flipping it off - um, flipping the channel off that is, oh fiddle dee dee! - and instead? Instead Ms B has spent more time on Bravo...just sayin'! Food Network gets louder and more chaotic every day. Oh, but at least they get to sell their knives and pots and pans and such and do commercials (gnaw) and make LOTS of money, even if some of them sell out ...of their pots and pans and knives of course ...fiddle hee hee.... ...oh dearest me. Ms B don't point fingers at just one when most the whole lot of them is scrambling to make a gazillion clams (oh had to use food for money of course) off food network and vicey versy, righty?

If Ms B sees ONE MORE show about Cakes, she will upchuck - puke - forcfully expel stomach contents - VOMIT - enough with the cakes, FN, whatsamatterwidya?

And what happened to . . . see, guess that already says it - since I already forgot their name. Never mind.

And bless their loud mouth hearts, but more and more of the Food Network, um, er...*cough* "Stars" (oh Ms B is laughing at that word - how arrogant some of the food network foodies are becoming and how they are acting like "Stars" oh oh oh! Ms B is amused!) . . . Ms. B laughed when she watched one of the FN foodies say "I mean, after all WE are the FOOD NETWORK - they surely MUST impress US and be impresed by US, we are FOOD NETWORK!" One had the feeling one was supposed to genuflect!

as Ms B was saying, loud loud loud! And MORE MORE MORE and BIGGER BIGGER BIGGER and . . . if Ms B sees the contents of food in mouths ONE MORE TIME, Ms B will (see vomitus statement above).

And pleeaazee, Mr. Alton - PUH LEEEZE eat something...why ..why you've become so gaunt, and Ms B is worried about you...oh dear. She loves you - she truly does. Though, you still look handsome and mischevious - you dear . . . Ms B wants to plant a kiss on that cheek, come here...come here you, Alton! sweet dear.

Ms B misses Hell's Kitchen with the loud mouthed foul mouthed Brit - oh she shouldn't, she couldn't - but she does - some GRIT there, some REAL, some loud-mouth that has TEETH to it...yes! pant!

Wait...hold on....

OH! Ms B has to run -- some one is at Ms B's door. Who? you may ask . . . Ms B doesn't kiss and tell ...

Ms B never ever promises what she cannot keep, so Ms B will only say that she will try to come back soon - and try to come back more regularly.................BUT!!! BUT BUT!!! you can't fault Ms B1tch for having a full and fruitful and vegeful and meatful life, now can you? Oh of course not - of course you forgive Ms B1tch - -

And, she will try not to talk about FN - or! Ms B will next talk about what she LIKES about food network - yes! that would be nice, don't you think . . . I bet you think no. I bet you like it that Ms B is dishing out spankings! ha!

see you soon........

Ms. B is not dead! ha! She has been doing exciting wonderous things- envy Her!

So, did you think I had died? haha! I have not - I have been busy. Oh, Ms. B1tch leads a facinating and exciting life. You must envy Ms B for her life - how wonderous it is. Ahhh...

Perhaps I was in Paris, or London, or Rhode Island - ha! I thought Rhode Island needed a mention since no one ever remembers that little place, bless its heart.

Ms. B1tch may disappear this way sometimes. She also knows that people will stop coming by, because they will become sad and disallusioned that Ms. B1tch doesn't stick around. They will miss her and cry and sob and rail and tear their clothes asunder....well, what can Ms B say?

Ms. B has been watching some teley too -- yes she has. First, Ms B has to say to Food Network - WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ? Then she clicks on over to Bravo and laughs and laughs because Bravo may be "getting it" where as Food Network has their panties all around their ankles and their eyes are glazed and they are saying "who what where when how why?" Of course, maybe they are doing this all the way to the bank! ha!

On the stove is delight delight! Too bad you aren't here to eat any ....

Ms B has so much to tell - where to start? where to begin? yet, dinner awaits . . .

And Ms B1tch often disappears . . . to magical places filled with magical people in magical magicalities

And you thought I would never return - hahahahha! I am an enigma!

On to a good glass of wine and a tasty dinner, where I won't be watching the never ending never ending never ending never ending CAKES CAKES CAKES on food network - for god's sake FN - stop it with the cakes! And I won't be watching the soccer moms - oh Ms. B doesn't want to offend (but if she does, *shrug*) but the soccer moms bore the snot out of her pretty little pert nose til said snot is running amok to get away from boring telley shows. And bless her heart, but Ms B has become tired of Paula Deen screeching...and she used to love her so...oh dear, maybe Paula Deen will listen to Ms. B1tch and tone it the hell down for god's sake! Go watch your earlier shows my pretty Deen and see what Ms B is saying - she knows much, she does - listen!

Perhaps Ms B'll turn to Bravo and listen to the *beep beep- you beep beep* of the contestants on Top Chef - no soccer mommys cooks there! No screeching, no screaming unless it's at another contestant - ohhhhhhhh! naughty!

Ms B adooorreesss Ina Garten though - you go Ina! go go go and keep on going (although, Ms B has one little bone to pick with her dainty teeth -- do you not have any other clothes? Such an attractive woman to wear those ....duds).

Oh! But Ms B sees where Ms Sandra Dee, or is that Lee? on FN has changed her format - ha! And so she should have - all that matchy matchy decor to her dress and shoes and ....it was a bit creepy and OCD'ey --not that Ms B doesn't have OCD -often chows down - ha! yes, that was funny - okay, it was not...do I care? NO Ms B cares not! But Ms. Sandra La la Lee -I hope you learned your lesson! You finally listened to Ms B1tch didn't you? And why are you in your jammies in that photo? Trying to Sex It UP Ms. Sandra - ha! ha! keep trying...you are almost there.

tata - time to eat --- a luscious red sauce with tender meatballs - the sauce cooked for hours and hours until thick and dark red --- the meatballs sizzled until just done and juicy -- and a good red wine of my choosing. Perhaps a salad - yes....with fresh tomatoes - do not put your tomatoes in the fridge - Horrors! -- and some salted radishes - ohhhh....

Ms B is here! and then gone...THEN HERE...then gone..HERE. gone ..here gone -

Ms. B1tch is ever so much sorry she is rarely around and ever so much sorry she doesn't get to visit! She is ever so much ready to bop her alter ego across her head and tell her to stop stop and stop again! Round and round her alter-ego goes, first this and then that...Ms. B needs some time, too...harumph!

Ms. B1tch was watching the teley. Ms B was in particular watching Top Chef. Ms B1tch was pissed off! Why, they let go the handsome Jeff! That man wasn't only a pretty face! that man could cook oh so prettily, too.....oh Ms B knows what that network is doing! Ms. B knows they are waiting for the long-haired simpering boring girl to get busy with the big tall bald tentative guy! Ms B thinks that's been doused by the waters of shame - which Ms B rolls her eyes to...

Ms B's roommate saw in fine print where the producers of the show consult with the letting go and keeping, too! ha! harumph! cheating!

Ah well - it is only a teleyvision show. But, Ms B still stomped her foot and pointed at the screen and said, "BRING BACK MY HANDSOME JEFF YOU GODDAMMERS!" Alas, they didn't listen.

Ms. B is HUNGRY for something different - people people - what can I eat---and dont one of you nasties email me and say "EAT THIS MS B" and then send me a photo of your dingly dongly! Unless you are Jeff, or Gordon Ramsey --no no, on second thought, I do not want to see your dingly donglys either - I want you to cook something for me - ahhhhhhh, then we'll see what happens next --what? DESSERT happens next - and no! that is not a metaphor for dancing in the sheets! tee.hee.blush.tee

Thank you for the emails ms holly - I meant to put them here and then I did not - oh heavy heavy sigh I hardly have a moment to myself - um, er, except when I'm watching Top Chef or gazing at Gordon Ramsey's quirky mouth quirked as he says, #**#*$#*$# #**# F*#&$*# YOU#*$# SH*#$#* f***e&r* " ahhhhhh....a god of words! A veritable man of the alphabet!

Now, I must flee, see? I most go, joe. I must be jolly, holly....this could go on and on.....

Ms B will try to get better about stopping by and about posting....oh heavy sigh.

Ms B1tch is b1tching!

Ms. B is in a bone-picking mood. Ms B1tch just feels like b1tching. But she did laugh at your comments and maybe Mrs Nancy will, too!

Ms B1tch loves food - good fine food, but Ms B will eat not so fine food, too! Sometimes she sees things on the tele and just has to try them so she can pass on her wisdom here and there and far and near. So since Ms B loves panini's, she kept seeing ads for panini's from some frozen food company that rhymes with Scream Quazeem. Ms. B took it from its package - ugh...didn't look like it looked on teleyvision. She put it in microwave ...oh Ms B should know better! Mr Gordan Ramsey would be so very angry and disappointed in Ms B's choice of foodstuffs. He would say, "That is #*$&# crap! that is #*$# sh*T! " and he'd throw it in the garbage, which after one bite is what ms B did! Ugh! False advertising...ugh ugh! Ms B knows better - fresh is always best...still...sometimes Ms B is in the mood for E A S Y(shhhhh). but no more scream quazeem panini for Ms B *vomiticus americanus*

Then, Ms B was watching shows on what rhymes with Scrood Fretwerk. What is wrong with these people? Why are they getting louder and louder and more annoying by the minute? Why does Paula Deen have to laugh like Rosanne Barr and show all the food in her mouth....eeek! Paula Deen is getting too loud and too big for her breeches. Ms B hates that - because she used like that gentle old show with that gentle southern woman. Now, Ms B hurries and changes the channel. At least Scrood Frewerk finally put Big Boy Pants on Guy Fieri...teehee -- he's cute despite when he smushes a cupcake all over his mouth - eyewww! Stuff in the beard! stuff in the beard! Gorden Ramsey must be shaking his head in disgust and going "beep beep beep beep *#*#."

Then Ms B1tch saw a write up online about bellybuttons and how certain belly buttons are pretty and some are not and now men look at women's bellybuttons and decide if they are attractive or not! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Now our damned bellybuttons have to be perfect and cute, too (even though mine is, of course, ha.ha) ...? Not enough we have to stay young and beautiful forever - but even our bellybuttons are not safe from scrutiny. Ha! Ms B scoffs at that! Ms B says we REVOLT!

Okay, now, Ms B has some things off her chesticle area. Maybe she is just hungry. Maybe a nice bowl of hot creamy corn bisque will quieten her beast. yes.

When Ms B returns, she will be calm - okay, she will not, but then why should she? tee.hee to the tee.hee.hee!

Ms. B1tch is still alive! ha.ha.ha!

Did you miss Ms. B1tch? Do you like Ms. B's fancy new background - do not get too used to it, for Ms. B1tch is very restless and Ms. B1tch gets bored quite easily. She's been walking and thinking and thinking and walking....sometimes her alter-ego gets into her shoes and alter-ego doesn't like the tall purpley sparkled stilletos! Imagine! Well! Ms. B argues with her alter-ego and sometimes she wins and sometimes she does not. teehee

Don't you wonder where Ms. B has been? Hummmmm? do you? HA! Ms. B1tch cannot tell her secrets!

But, Ms. B1tch can tell you thusly: Ms B told Fancy Club to go ...oh, how can Ms B put this delicately? Let's see - maybe Ms B can put it in a rhyme! (is that how you spell rhyme? Ms B is not a teacher! Ms b is not a grammaticician!)...let's see, Ms B told Fancy Club to go shmuck plemselves...to giss her bass....to pro to bell. THERE! did those rhymes help you? Can you figure out what Ms B did? tee.to.the.hee~!

Ms. B1tch finally had enough. And when Ms B says it's time to move her cute little butt on down the road, Ms B struts it on down the road.

Why? Cause Ms B goes into work and still they have not done the things promised Ms B - did they think Ms B1tch was teasing? Was talking words just to see her pretty little plump lips flapple? Did they think she spoke just to hear her harmonious voice? Well, then then are Mis-Take-In!

Now, this presents Ms B with a problem - no no no, not finding a job-pah, who cares about that? - but, what about the mystery man and what his tattered little gifts meant? But, Ms B will just shrug her little shoulders and let it all go - for the man who sits at bar brooding after giving le'host/le'concierge weird little gifts while meanwhile, where is his family? Why isn't he home? Harumph! Not worth Ms B's time...

Oh! My Partner in all things Gordon Ramsey (tee.hee.) Fantastic Forrest, sent this! Ms B laughed and laughed! HA! Ms. B's said "Ms B1tch stays good til the bottom of the glass..." oo lala!

Now Ms B needs some advice...what new adventure should Ms B1tch try for? Where shall she go? Now that she is not with Fancy Club, she can do whatever she wants...can't she? Why not? When her alter-ego is not looking, or is asleep, or is distracted, Ms B can have adventures!

For now, Ms B had a question in her email! Here it is:

Dear Ms B1tch,My husband has been talking in his sleep and the other night he called out 'Joanie' and my name is Nancy! What do I do? I haven't said a word to him." -- Not-Sleeping Beauty

Dear Not Sleeping, Well, first, let MS B say I am glad to get questions about matters of the heart, too! For I know almost everything there is to know, and what I do not know, I findout! HA

So, what Ms B suggests you do is next time you are in bed, you pretend to be asleep and then you call out another man's name and see what he does! It may open the door to discussion, or a lot of screaming - whichever. Or, you can do this, "You Jackass! You called out another woman's name in your sleep! I'm kicking your ass!" and then you can both have the biggest argument you've ever had! Then you find out who this Joanie slut is and you go kick her ass, too! I mean a real Joan Collins and Whastername Cat Fight - or Cougar Fight (depending on your ages). Then you go home and tell your husband to go home to Joanie Moanie, she can just HAVE Him - YOU don't need the likes of His Hairy Ass......and after he leaves, you invite Raoul the pool man inside for a glass of wine and a piece...of salmon...Yeah? Yeah?

If all that sounds like to much trouble, just tap him on the shoulder and ask him who Joanie is-- if his eyes widen, if his nostrils flare, if he scratches himself anywhere, if he clears his throat, if he looks you right in the eye without blinking - then best find out who this Joanie is. Otherwise, maybe Joanie isn't nothing but a figment of everyone's over-active imagination.

Now, Ms B has tarried too long on the blog. She will try not to be gone so long next time, but MS B never makes le'promises!

Tootles!

A question for Ms B1tch

Barry said...
I have a question MsB. We were out over Christmas to a buffet. The waitress was friendly and efficient. She brought our drinks and asked if we wanted dessert (we didn't).When I came to pay the bill I left the usual amount as a tip, but my brother maintained that since you don't get full service from the waitress at a buffet, you shouldn't be leaving the regular tip.I have never done that. Have I been cheating myself all these years? By the way, my Word Verification is "dishem". How strange!

Ah! Can you afford it? Does it make you feel good to do it? It is a most certainty that the waitress will appreciate it, especially for the finky fonky butt-onkeses who leave nothing! Or leave some insulting mere near nothing! So, if you give a bit more because you can, then you can be the person who makes up for the stupid potty poo poo pants who eats, makes a mess, and then leaves without a care. Sure, maybe the server MAY not have to do as much when there is a buffet, but she is there, and she is making peanutty nothing. And no telling what management forces her to do because, as he(or she) may put it "you aren't doing as much, so clean the toilets, wash the floors, kiss my hairy big butt!" oh poor servers put up with much! This Ms. B knows, for Ms B has seen it. Ms B does not up with the shiteri put! But it is because she can walk away and will and has and will!

So, Mr. Barry - leave the tip. You will not be cheating yourself. You will be generous as I know you seem to be. If you do not want to leave the full 20% of the buffet, slip a little extra in there anyway. It will come back to you.

Ms. B is hungry! Ms B wants pastries!

...now she must slip off, silently slip slipity slipoo de do off ..tee tee dee da da dum, ta ta ta tee ta tum - tee.tothe.hee - she's feeling light as a feather, but she will tell you about it later. Maybe. ha.ha! Ms B is so mysterious!

(PS - Oh, Gordon Ramsey! I am blowing you a kiss.....Don't tell you know who!)

Releasing Roaches -eyewwwwwwwwwwww, Miss Angie...! eyewwwww

Angie Ledbetter said...
I have a question: If you saw a patron open a pill bottle and let a roach run across his plate AFTER he'd eaten his meal, then complain to management and refuse to pay for pest-infested (hey, I like that) food, what would you do? Oh, 'specially if this was at big arse fancy club.

Well Miss Angie; Ms. B1tch would bide her time. Ms B would wait. Then, when the Patron walked past Ms B's throne, Ms B would quietly approach (eyeww- look at the word in approach!) him and say, "I saw what you did. How can we settle this?" and patron would take out a fiver and Ms B would laugh HAHA, then he'd take out a tener and she'd guffaw GUFFAW, and he'd start sweating and take out a twentyer and she'd stare him down, and he'd really begin to huff and puff, and he'd take out a fiftyer, and Ms B would just fold her arms, and he'd say "But my meal was only $85!" And Ms. B would say, "But what price your reputation, sir....what price your reputation..." And he'd hand over his heart.

ha.ha! Of course that is not what Ms B would do. Ms. B would tell him what she saw and that if he ever did that again, he would encur the wrath of Ms. B's pretty little shoe up his arse! She would lightly consider telling fancy club manager. Oh, I suppose she would tell Maitre d' -- since he's a cutie patootie...tee.hee.

Oh! Mr Barry said... - send those goodies my way. Ms B1tch barely got one tiny little goody! She is famished and parched and wasting away to nothingness, sorta kinda. Ohhh heavy fainting heart!

Fantastic Forrest -- shall we fight over Gordan Ramsey? Or will we be lady-like and share...Hmm, I suppose he is man enough to cook for both of us. Yes? Yes! of course he is. But no snake...no reptile...nothing that eats or rolls in it's own poo. So let it be written! So let it be done!

Now, if Ms B disappears or has not visited you, do not you worry! For sometimes Ms B must do things. And those things takes her away from here. But she loves you all! She sends you kisses and muwah muwah!

(and do you not wonder about the man with the strange gifts? Well, he came in with his wife and child - and then the next day came in again without them and sat at the bar and brooded -- Ms. B is keeping an eye on this one...No! not in THAT way - for Ms B does not play the games or play the players. She is, after all, Above Reproach (oh oh , there is that icky word within a word again ..eyewewww yewwwwww).

Ms. B1tch's day off

Mr. Barry - CPC? ha.ha! You are so clever! Tee.hee.

Ms. B had a day off. So, Ms. B went to lunch and ate quiche that was fluffy and light, with a glass of wine. THen Ms B strolled along in her cute little clothes with her cute little boots and her cute little feet a-clomping upon the pavement. She watched people go to and fro. She said hello to old men and old ladies. She touched a sweater because it was soft. She almost bought a big fat huge furry blanket (maybe she will buy it later!) She stopped in a chocolate shop and bought yummy dark chocolates. Ms. B1tch pondered pondered and pontificated the Fancy Club. Sometimes Ms B thinks she wants to flee flee flee and never return. Perhaps she will. Perhaps Ms B will turn her mind to other things. She walked and ate her chocolates and pondered and pondered.

Ms B1tch went to her email to see if there was a question! And there one was:

Ms. B1tch, there's this concierge at a fancy club. I've given her candy and a pen and a coupon and yet she doesn't give me anything back but a puzzled smile. What gives? What can I do to impress this Queen Do you think pocket-lint filled candy isn't good enough for a woman? A used pen, even though it's a good pen, won't make her say hooray? A coupon for coffee won't make her blush and kiss my feet?

ha. ha. - Ms B is teasing! Of course I didn't get THAT email...tee.hee.

Ms. B has no questions in her email right now - boo. and the hoo!

How can Ms B spread her knowledge across the land if no one asks her any questions. Oh sorry sorry day. Oh Poor Ms. B...(tee..hee.)

Now, Ms B1tch loves to read about food, and look at food, and eat food, and Ms B1tch is open to all manner of eats. But one thing Ms. B can never, will never, can not ever ever eat or understand is this:

How To Prepare A Rattlesnake For Good Eating

now I shall go. I leave with one request: Oh Gordon Ramsey; Ms. B1tch wants you to cook just one meal for her! Just one little bitty meal. She asks nothing more - just to stand in her kitchen and cook cook while Ms B watches and waits. Ahhhhhhh, Ms B can dream

Ms. B's Mystery Man of Strange Gifts, and Blabby Talky Pants

Ms. B is reading your comments with interest about the Man Who Gives Ms B Things . Here is what Ms B1tch has so far. For those who are thinking "What is she talking about?" See post below where Ms has received two pieces of hard candy and a used pen from a man at the fancy club.

Small Footprints said...
[ ]As for the guy ... was he an old man? Did the pen have anything written on it? This is getting to be an interesting mystery!Take Care!Small footprints

Ms. B says: No. He is younger than Ms B by a few years at least. And the pen didn't have any writing. It was used though. And, it was a nice pen - Ms. B put it in her purse, tee.hee. Well, it is a gift to Ms B, right?

Angie Ledbetter said...
[ ] As for the man who gave you candies and now a pen? Is he "sweet" on you and wishes you were Missus "Write" for him? :)

Ms. B says, Hmm. Ms B1tch will have to keep an eye on him. Hmmm.

sinfullyanon said...
He gave you 2 LifeSavers,(And, a Pen: In order to write him a Thank You Note.):)Silly guess..I guess.Cheers,~x~SinfullyAnon.

Ms. B says, Well. I didn't think of that!

Ms. B1tch is baffled! For Man has struck again! He gave Ms. B a coupon for a Starbucks coffee drink. So, two pieces of hard candy. A used pen. A coupon for Starbucks drink! The mystery deepens!

On otherwise news of Fancy Club. Ms. B was working the other night and it was a slow night. As she stood at her Throne, she half-listened to the chatter. Well, one voice dominated all overs. This man talked for two hours straight- with only a few pauses to take a drink or a bite of food or let someone else say one or two words! This man would not shut up. Ms. B could hear the thoughts of the others who were with this man secretely saying, "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE HELL UP!" But, even their thoughts were interruped by this man's going on and on and on. Bragging and Talking and Guffawing and Anecdoting. It never ended. If Ms B hadn't heard it, she'd have not believed someone could talk that much for that long and over everyone else. It was a One Man Show.

When they got up from their table and came to get their coats, the people at the table with Mr. Talky Pants had a glazed in the eyes look, and also, a relieved look that the evening was finally over! Ms. B smiled sweetly and said, "How was your meal?"

And they all opened their mouth to speak to Ms B, but guess who spoke up loudest and first! Yes, Mr. Blabby Talky Pants. And he ignored Ms B's question and went on and on about something else. She heard the others sigh. Ms. B turned to get a coat and said, "Aren't your jaws tired?" and Mr. Talky Pants couldn't hear, because he was going on and on about how great he was. He ignored Ms B as she handed him his coat, so Ms. B loudly said, over his blowhard blabbing so that he had to stop and stare at Ms B, "I'm sure you mean to say thank you in between all those words pouring out so very exhuberantly, so You are Welcome, Ms. B is glad to hand you your coat!" She then looked at the others and said, "Ha! Now is your chance to get a word in edgewise! ha!"

Blabbybritches looked at Ms. B with his eyebrows raised, then he turned a nice bright shade of red. Ms. B thought it looked so Christmasy, that shade of red - that shade of red could have lit up the whole building! That shade of red was so red, Ms B thought BlabbyPants's head would explode. He didn't say another word, just blundered on out the building, but! the ones with him turned to Ms B and smiled and winked. Tee.Hee.

Ms B has been up to secret things

Oh! But Ms B1tch has missed you all. She has been here and there and yonder and above and below.

Ms B1tch sometimes goes away to do secret things and those secret things she cannot tell, or will not tell, or shall not tell! Tee.Hee.

So, when Ms. B1tch has been gone for a bit, then you must try to imagine what she is up to! Is she traveling to exotic, or not so exotic, places? Is she only busy and has not the time to post? Is her alter-ego dragging her here and there? Is she only tired and is lazying around? What ever can she be doing when she is gone for days or longer? Ms. B1tch will let you all figure it out, for whatever you all come up with will surely be more fun that what the truth is. Ha.ha.

Ms. B1tch will be back with a story, soon.

But, one thing - do you remember the man who gave Ms B two pieces of hard candy from his pocket? Now man has given Ms B a used pen. What is with this man? What do you think this is about? Why is he giving Ms B these strange things? Please tell Ms B what you think the answer to that question is.

Ms B takes a question about wine

M asked,
"How can I order wine in a restaurant without looking stupid?"

Ms B1tch says, do not fret! As long as you do not order "White Zenfandel" you will not risk server looking at you askance! Oh, but you say, white zen is what you like! well, then order it, but, server will make a face as server turns from table, and as the white zen is poured from the single lonely dust-covered bottle kept just for the few who still drink white zen, they will curl their lip and wish they could tell you to order something else!

There is nothing wrong with asking the server, "What do you suggest?" If they look puzzled or frightened by this answer, then you know more than they do, so just order whatever sounds good to you!

It is always okay to ask for "the house white" or "the house red"

Pinot Noir is always a good choice - it's light enough to go with many things!

And if you want to know how to pronounce wine and wine related, go to this page!

Mostly, Ms B says to just enjoy your dinner, enjoy your wine, and smile and be happy! We all love to see customers/patrons enjoying their dining experience. There is nothing so satisfying as the sounds coming from a good dining night: clinking of silverware against the plate, sounds of wine pouring into wine glasses, the murmur of many different voices, laughter, the smells of foods in the kitchen, and if Ms B goes into kitchen, the sounds of Chef shouting out orders, the cooks sauteing baking chopping stirring whipping ....

Ahhhhhhhh. Food. Wine.

Fried Mars Bars! Cooks Cleaning Urinals! Oh my! Ms B answers from Comments. And, Thousand Year Old Candy from Sweaty Pockets! ugh!

Barry said...
Yes Ms. B., my wife and I recently went to Scotland where the national food seems to be (no not haggis), deep fried Mars Bars (I'm not kidding) and a drink called Irn bru (think orange crush with added sugar and iron).Tell me, is this a nutritionally balanced meal? Is there any hope for a country that eats like this?

Oh! Ms. B1tch's eyes just popped out of her skull and she had to push them back in and read that again and they popped out again and she had to push them back in and and...finally, after her eyes popped out many times and she replaced them many times (Ms B is tenacious), she was able to internalize the question and then to give an answer!

There is always hope for Scotland! There. Ms. B has tried haggis, once long ago. She has little memory of it, since she also had good whisky to go with it! Tee.hee. But deep friend Mars Bars...Ms. B is shaking her cute little head. And this is the only food from Scotland Mr. Barry can tell Ms B about? Oh. Oh. Oh Sigh. Ms. B asked her roommate - what is a good Scottish food? Roommate said "Haggis?" Ms. B Sighed - no no no! Roommate said, "Shepards pie?" No No, Ms B had that at an Irish Pub once when she was in that city of New Orleans. I invite and challenge any Scots to come tell me about their foods! please!

Angie Ledbetter said...
Ms. B...I'm way too scaredy-catish to ask that question. I'm afraid I'd learn the truth and never get to eat out again!! :( Please tell me the chef does not clean the potty or urinal. *shudder* (Miss Angie is referring to the post below!)

Ms. B always tells the truth: No, Chef does not clean the potty or urinal, nor does the cook. At least in most places, but Ms B can't vouch for them all! Ms B can't speak for Fast Foods Places, or Big Chain Restaurants - and she (as above!) invites or challenges any restaurant to tell them who cleans their urinals and pottys! But, in Fancy Club, no, Chef or Cooks do not do so. *grin*

Ms. B had the most fun last night when all the members/diners left Fancy Club earlier than usual. You know why? Because Ms B spent time with the Servers(Waitstaff) and the cooks. Ms B LOVES the cooks best of all - and she loves the servers, too. But the cooks have Ms. B's heart - they are fun. Ms B laughs when she is around them, and she was around them last night. Ms B wants to say, "cook me something wonderful and I am yours yours yours!" Tee.Hee.

Here is one thing, though. The other night someone came in Fancy Club to eat. Ms. B took their coat, and when they finished eating, she gave back their coat - she helps them on with coat when they allow her to. Some think Ms B is trolling for tips! She is NOT! Harumph. Ms. B does what she does because that is what she does. So, this one smarty alecky panty pants threw something from his linty ole sweaty pocket on the counter - old pieces of candy that have been there for a thousand years! Ms. B looked at the candy and her nose wrinkled. Ms B left candy there. Next day, that same person came back, and there was his candy on the counter, uneaten, untouched. He said, "oh you didn't eat the candy?" Ms B just looked at him as if he had fifty-five heads with fifty-five zits on each of those head's noses and his hair was aflame with red-orange flaming flames, and his mouth oozed slime. Harumph!

Ms B says: You do not have to tip if you do not want to. Ms B does not expect tips. Ms B does not troll for tips. Ms B does not do her job for tips. Ms B always tries to give the tips back to patron, but if they insist she will keep it and perhaps put it in the Bell Ringers Bucket or buy someone a cup of coffee, etc. But! Do NOT insult Ms B by throwing one thousand year old sweaty candy upon her throne area! Next time, she may throw it back!

Ms. B had another question in her email! Ms B will address that next time.

Who Cleans Your Fave Restaurant Bathrooms? Hummmm?

Oh, Ms. B1tch is here to say that this cartoon is true in some regards! Oh dear, but it is. If Ms B1tch has her way, the handsome Gordon Ramsey would travel to every restaurant in the world and force them to clean up their act, and their kitchens. Ughers!

Do you remember Ms B1tch telling you how she went into a kitchen (it was over this summer) and it was so nasty, Ms B vowed never to eat a morsel of food from that kitchen? Sad thing is, their food is SO Very Good; but no clean kitchen, means no Ms. B will eat from it! Shame! Shame!

Sometimes when Ms B is watching the Food TV Netw

ork, which she rarely watches any longer because of various things that she will get into in later posts (but she does sometimes watch the Fine Living Network foodies!), she is completely and uberly disgusted! Why, they scratch their noses, and they push back their hair, and Ms. Paula Deen (bless her little butter buns) has on big Hahh-uugge rings with all manner of past meals nestling there and creating germy babies...ugh-gast! Ms. B says, "Don't rub thy nose when cooking!, Put up your hair!, Pull off those rings!" But sigh and sigh, Ms. B1tch thinks Food Tv Network "stars" have become too gi-normous for their wittle britches and are busting out at the seams with their own importance and getting louder and louder and ...and...oh, Ms B will get into all that later (and she knows there are some who are still loveable and cute and clean and ...oh!)

So, If Ms B had her way, all of us who are going to eat in establishments will march to the kitchen area and ask to see the kitchen. For if the kitchen is nasty, why should we eat there? If the restaurant or diner or club or whatever cannot hire someone to keep things clean, then why eat there? If the servers have dirty hands or fingernails or are unkempt, do we want to eat what they may touch? If the cooks/chef are unkempt, do we want their fingers on our food? If the establishment does not wash their dishes properly, do we want to wrap our mouths around the fork of the one who was eating an hour ago? Oh, Ms. B knows that one cannot think of these things all the time when eating out, but, there are simple ways Restaurant Managers can create clean enviroments! yes! Ms B has seen it! Ms B has worked in those places! We as Patron can demand better!

I dare all of us to ask this question: "Yes, Mr. Manager of Restaurant, I would like to know this: who cleans your toilets/bathrooms?" Ask this and see if you get a straight answer! Ms. B could tell you what she knows, oh yes. How some restaurants get their bathrooms all clean (and clean is relative - this you may know by going into bathrooms! ha.ha!) Go ahead, ask them...and then see what they say! Tee.Hee! Ugh-ugh!

Ms. B will soon return. Remember, if you have a question for Ms. B about restaurants, foods, clubs, food related anything, or any subject at all (for Ms B is wise and all Knowing), email her at restaurantb1tch@hotmail.com or ask in the comments. She will always tell the truth!

*muwah*

Ms. B and the Fur Coat Woman

Ms. B no shitera takes! Has she not said? Has she not shouted this to the seven winds? And what do some people still do? Give the shitera to Ms. B or disrespect her.

Enter Woman with Fur Coat who disrespects staff. Woman throws her fur coat towards Ms B with a look of dismissal as she flips by. Ms. B lets fur coat fall to floor "Oopsie, clumsy Ms B has missed your tossed fur coat...whoopsie!" Fur Coat Woman looks at Ms. B, Ms B looks at FCW. FCW glances down at her coat upon the floor, Ms. B smiles so prettily. Ms B says, "Oh, did you want ME to pick up your coat you tossed her way?" FCW leans down and picks up her coat, and then hands it to Ms. B, but she has to step to her, because Ms B refused to step over to someone who has no respect than to think she can run by Ms B, toss her fur coat towards her, and then enter the dining area. Ha. Ha!

FCW comes to Ms B and hands her the coat, and Ms B picks it up with two fingers, as if it has the mange...tee.hee. She says, "Enjoy your meal." The woman sniffs and turns away. Ms. B says, "kismahass..." FCW turns and says, "Did you say something?" And Ms B smiles ever so sweetly, and says, "Ms. B said to have a nice day!" FCW looks Ms B up and down and up and down and then turns and walks into the dining area.

Behind the woman comes a cute couple. Cute Couple snickles at Ms B and whispers, "Do you know who that is?" Ms B says "No, and Ms B does not care..." The CC tells Ms B who the FCW is, and Ms B says, "Well, gee whiz, you'd think she could afford a fur coat without mange, don't you?" and CC laughs and laughs and laughs. Ms B takes their coats gently, and gently hangs them up, and shows them to the dining area most pleasantly. FCW is sitting alone, sipping a martini, a sour look upon her face. Ms B smiles a big ole smile at FCW, turns and walks away to her station, her cute butt doing it's dance of love. Tee.Hee.

When FCW's guest comes to dine with her, she has Fur Coat too! Ms. B does not get the Fur Coat, but, who is Ms B to judge tastes? Hmm? FCW's guest is respectful, so Ms B will be! yes! She smiles at Ms B, hands over her furry coat politely, and Ms B nicely takes it, hangs it up, and escorts her to the dining area where sour faced FCW is on her third martini. Ms B says, "Enjoy your dinner."

When FCW comes out, she is teeter tottering and Ms B smiles and waits. FCW stands at Ms B's area, Ms B says, "How was your dinner?" and waits. FCW clears her throat. Ms B raises her eyebrows and waits. FCW says, "May i have my coat, please..." And Ms B says "why sure...and Ms B is so sorry for the accident." FCW slurs, "What accident?" Ms B says, "The accident to your coat...it must have been such a nice coat before the accident...Ms B noticed it last week when you came in and threw it at me - it looks as if it must have hit a lot of floors...hummm?" FCW opens her mouth, then closes it. Ms B helps her with her coat. FCW's guest giggles as Ms B helps her with her coat, too. FCW looks at Ms B and says, "Well, guess I had that coming...." and out they go...

Tee.Hee. Bettering the world of service, one "entitled" Bee-otch at a time.

Ms B gets Spam...harumph.

Ohhh, Ms. B has been so busy! But she loves you all and sends hugs and kisses and teehees!

Miss Small Footprints has a comment below about styrofoam in restaurants. Alas, that is the norm for many and Ms B wonders why a fancy place, or any place at all, too, would have ugly styrofoam anyway! Cannot someone create something nice that isn't bad for the environs? No? Yes? Ms B1tch should invent something and become wealthy and when she is wealthy she will NOT buy a fur coat. She will also not waltz in places and treat people like they are invisible except to be at her will and doing---actually, people love to be at Ms. B's will, but it is their doing because she is so cute. ha.ha.

I thought I had a question at restaurantb1tch@hotmail.com, but! It was a Spam! And that spam wanted to give Ms. B a huge penile extension! And another one wanted Ms. B to make her partner happy to be impaled upon their member. Ugh. Ms. B thinks that spammers really do not know what women want, which is not gigantis poletantis. Ms B does not want to make a woman cry out with pleasure - Ms B does not know why all the spammers are about Biggantus Memberitis. Ms B is beginning to think all these things are all for Men and not Women, which makes Ms B wonder if only men click on these links? Ms B ponders and ponders. There are no spams for Ms B to go "hummm...I should click on that..." Instead, Ms B recoils and then hits "trash trash trash delete junk junk junk delete trash trash." Harumph!

Ms. B will soon come visit you who have left your comments! She appreciates it kindly and verily.

It is very early. Ms B is up and dressed in her little suit and her little heels and is ready to climb into her car and drive into the dark for her early shift at Fancy Club. Ms. B works early on some days and late on other days.

Ms. B will return with a story or a question and answer or sage witty wonderful wise advice for you!

Muwah!

Ms. B anwers a question and posts comment stories!

'Baboo' asked Ms. B (via email): "Ms. B, but what if we really really just do not like the rare tuna or whatever? How can we send it back to the chef without hurting his feelings or making him mad?"

Ms. B1tch answers: Alas Baboo! You will always hurt Chef's feelings when you send back his food! However, if you are diplomatic about it, server will let Chef know how apologetic and groveling you are, practically on your knees in supplication, and admitting to a heathenistic barbarianism, and lack of any kind of Food Sense, and then, only then, perhaps Chef will almost-kind of sort of-calmly re-cook your food without event. There are certain foods that are prepared in certain ways that Chef is proud to present, yet! there are patrons who simply do not like the taste of certain foods cooked in certain ways. Ms B suggests that if you order sashimi tuna, please let server know right away that you do not like rare tuna! For it if is cooked properly, it is rare. Tootles, Baboo! Happy Eating!
---------
These are, below, comments from Ms B's last post. Ms. B loved them! Ms. B laughed and clapped her tiny hands together in glee! Then Ms. B thought - What other stories are out there? Please tell your stories and Ms B will post them. What kinds of things have happened to you in restaurants (OR in your workplace, or anywhere at all, if you like) - either as "Employees" or as "Patrons" - Ms. B Wants to know! You can email Ms. B or put in comments!

And as always, she will take your questions - about anything at all! Not just food and restaurants and Fancy Clubs - for Ms B knows All. You can email her at restaurantb1tch@hotmail.com or ask in the comments.

------ from comments-----

Stephen said...
Dear Ms. B, Too funny! Years ago I was tending bar at an upscale and trendy restaurant in Schaumberg a north west Chicago suburb. The bar was always busy and we served wine in oversize glasses. A woman at the bar finished her wine and went to the ladies room. I reached for the empty glass and it was gone. Peering over the bar I saw the glass in the woman's large purse. I thwacked the glass with a heavy knife handle and smashed it to bits inside of the purse then resumed my duties. When the woman returned and saw what happend she did not say a word as she slunk out of the bar. True story. What could she say? " Hey! Some one broke the glass that I stole."As ever be well, Stephen Craig Rowe

Small Footprints said...
That was hilarious! Here's my tale ... once when I was very young ... just barely old enough to legally work ... I was hired to help cater an event. One guest became very rude (won't go into details here). When I had had enough, I went to pour coffee and missed ... oops ... all over his lap. That job didn't work out. :)Thanks for sharing your darker side.

Angie Ledbetter said...
I'm very partial to Ms. B's dark side. In fact, I've had many of the same thoughts when working for dictators and rich snooty people in several different capacities! Thank you for sharing with us. I wish rich snooty people would have to wear shock collars for about 6 months...and anyone who was "beneath them" could send a few volts into their juglars when they deserved it. Bet they'd not throw their fur coats at others for a very long time. Stephen's stolen wine glass story made me laugh too. Bravo! (Waving to Little also.) :)

Joe's Foster Dogs said...
I formally invite you for a foot massage...Albert, Sally, and George!:)

Barry said...
I think you need to rent Ms B's dark side out for special occasions!I can think of situations where it would have come in handy!

Scenes We'd Like To See (Ms. B1tch's darker side)

Scenes We'd Like To See:

When Lady in Fur Coat comes in establishment and tosses Fur Coat at host/concierge, without making eye contact, and with a sneer of "I don't have to treat you like a human because I don't consider you one," sashays away into dining area where she then proceeds to order waitstaff around and then loudly talks into her cellphone (though she's been told not to, please), and then rejects the food she ordered, rejects the next one, too and then doesn't want to pay her bill because nothing is to her satisfaction.

The concierge/host puts a deceased mouse (no, she did not kill said mouse herself! and it was not in the establishment of course, for that is a clean place!-just use your imagination where a deceased mouse can come from - come on, play along with Ms B! teehee) in the pocket of Lady In Fur Coat - or!, even better, she carefully slits open the lining, places something smelly and nasty, but flat and light, into the lining of fur coat, then sews it back up and then later innocently gives back the now stinky and soon to be stinkier fur coat. "Your coat, Ma-damn?" teehee.

When Manager comes in establishment in a bad mood and takes it out on staff.

Staff ties him up, drags him into the freezer, pummels him with a chicken carcass, and leaves him there until he begs for mercy. Staff is fired, but it is worth it.

When Rude Gentleman Diner waltzes in as if he owns the place, ignores host/concierge/matre d's calls of "Just a moment, sir...." and sits his happy butt anywhere he wants, snaps his fingers at servers, and then complains his food isn't good enough, the staff is incompetent, and his drink is watered down.

Concierge, as representative of over-tired and over-worked staff, calming walks up to Rude Gentleman Diner, picks up his drink and splooshes it in his face, ka-dumps his remaining food on his lap, grabs him by his lapels, drags his ass to the door, opens the door, kicks Rude Gentleman Diner in the ass until he goes flying out the door, points to him and says, "When you know how to treat people, then you can come back, otherwise, get yer ass on down the road."

When Difficult Table of Four harrasses poor server, insulting, demeaning, demanding, demoralizing.

When server has finally had enough, no, server does not spit on food, server goes to kitchen, steps into freezer (where manager is still lying there with chicken ass imprints on his cheeks), gets the Secret Box off the shelf, takes the item out of the Secret Box, puts it on the grill, hums a snappy tune until secret item is all cooked, puts secret item on a fancy plate with fancy sprigs of herbs, takes fancy plate with secret item perched upon it to Difficult Table of Four, and serves it to them with a big ole grin on her face. Difficult Table of Four jumps up and screams in disgust. What is Secret Item in Secret Box in back corner of Shelf? It's a secret - so don't be that Difficult Table......muwahahahahahahaha!

This has been a dark side of Ms. B1tch. Sorry you have had to witness such darkness. Teeheehee.

Now, Ms B1tch feels ever so much better with her "Scenes We'd Like To See..." - she feels lighter in her step~! She thinks she will go see what Roommate has prepared for dinner....

Why, it is Turkey Pot Pie - Comfort food! Ms. B loves comfort food! With a salad of romaine and a ripe red juicy tomato....ahhh.

Ms. B1tch had a question emailed to her! She loves questions! She will answer it on her next post.

Tootles Everyone!

Ms. B1tch is ...

staring wide-eyed into space. Ms. B's feet hurt. Ms B's brain is swollen. Ms. B was so hungry, she ate an old-fashioned turky sandwich of thick mayo, mustard, and Thanksgiving turkey on wheat, with a side of cornbread dressing Ms. B made herself and her cranberry relish; and then, a honking piece of her pecan pie. Ms. B is exhausted. Ms. B is put out with Fancy Club-- again. Ms. B is beginning to wonder if some people's head is filled with concrete, and some with marshmallow and some with whooshing air. Ms. B's foot hurts from putting it down.

Ms B will return when she has had enough sleep to clear her head of Fancy Club Shenanigans. Ms. B will be back with a story.

Ms. B is still open to questions. (And Miss Angie - Ms B saw your comment and says tsk tsk~! bad big chain restaurant and nastiness! harumph!).

Ms. B will return...

Ms B1tch takes a question about "Food Revenge" by restaurants

Angie Ledbetter said...
Ms. B, I have a question -- What is the worst thing you've ever seen kitchen staff do?

Oh, Miss Angie! You are looking for dirt, aren't you? You are looking for nasties and yuckies, aren't you? You want the inside scoop, do you not? You watched such movies that show all manner of disgusting behavior in the kitchen and you wonder, "Is that true? Do the kitchen staff really spit upon food? Drop it on the floor and serve it? And worse!"

But Ms B is here to re-assure all you restaurant going people that in most kitchens the cook/chef are dedicated to their jobs. They love what they do. They adore food. Food is their life, and to nasty up the food would be akin to slapping their granny and calling her a naughty name! Blasphemy!

(That said, Ms. B went into a kitchen recently to visit a Chef concerning something with her alter-ego, and the kitchen was nasty nasty nasty! Ms. B thinks she may ask to see the kitchen of places where she will eat from now on! A nasty kitchen is Blasphemy! This kitchen and staff should be stricken from the books of Food Lovers everywhere! shame on them SHAME SHAME! Ms. B1tch should sick handsome Gordon Ramsey on their sorry buttocksesesses!)

Ms. B1tch knows of one time when she brought back the sashimi (sushi grade) tuna because the patron said, "this isn't cooked enough" - oh alas and alack, Ms. B1tch trudged to the kitchen, knowing how Chef would be torn asunder! would be aghast! And indeed, Chef was disgusted, angry, put out, and his wittle tender feelings were sorely tromped on - He bleated, "My Tuna! She wants me to cook my tuna until it is a rubbery mess! Goddammit all to hell blankity blankity blank." Ms B smiled sweetly and said, "Yes! She is rubbish! She stinks to high heaven! She is a heathen! But, she wants that tuna cooked more, sorry Chef." And Ms B handed him the tuna and waited with a beautific smile, but a sympathetic one, for Chef. He did not defile the tuna. I did not defile the tuna. And Patron received her rubberized tuna and was happy. Chef sighed and sighed. Ms B went back to kitchen and said, "Oh Chef! You are King! You are all and all! That patron does not deserve any more of your offerings! Begone Tuna Defiler!" Chef was placated. And back to work we went.

The worst thing Ms. B personally saw was a fight between a patron of the restaurant and Chef. Oh! Ms. B thought they'd kill each other! Patron screamed, "I'll KILL you!" Chef exclamated, "I will cut your head from off your shoulders, you you scally wagging blankity f**E*$R blankty mother*#$#*!!!" Knives were brandished! Fists were fisted! Faces were screwed up into raging boiling masts of MAD. But, no food was thrown. No food was defiled - the Food Is Sacred.

Ms. B has heard of "revenge" on patrons who are nasty nasty big bad nasties! but, Ms B and her waitstaff and Chef would find another way to avenge that did not Defile The Sacred Food, as most restaurants and fancy clubs will do.

Ms B will return. She hopes this answers your question, Miss Angie, but if not, Ms B will be happy to re-visit this issue!

Ms. B Answers a Question & Tag You Are It(wherever you are)

Tagged You are It!-(wherever you are) This is what Ms. B1tch is supposed to do. Did Ms. B1tch do it? no, she did not! But, she will try to do it, yes. The handsome Barry from An Explorers Life Tagged Ms. B1tch and she just teehee'd and teehee'd and then did nothing.

here is what he said:
After you put this link on your site, go and tag 8 other bloggers and have them link back to you. There are benefits to this tagging game: You increase traffic to your site and meet new people.

Ms. B1tch is then to say eight things about herself. Well, let's see.

1. Ms. B1tch has an alter-ego that she keeps fairly secret.
2. Ms. B1tch knows many many things.
3. Ms. B1tch used to be on MSN spaces, long two years ago when she worked in a restaurant as a Host. Oh, the things she saw and said and heard! She learned much much about restaurants and how they work!
4. Ms. B1tch rarely cooks - she likes to be cooked for -because she is a Queen and spoiled.
5. Ms. B1tch is either married or not married.
6. Ms. B1tch is ageless - she may be young, or she may be old, or she may be in between-she is All.
7. Ms. B1tch will not eat snails and does not get it. Ms. B thinks snails belong in gardens.
8. Ms. B1tch is cuter than her alter-ego, and sometimes tells her alter-ego to stop being such a pit in the peach.

There! I have done my Tag, except for the Tagging Part, which Ms. B can't do yet because she does not know anyone in Blogspot Land! Oh Woe! how would she find eight people? Woe! Woe!

Now, Ms. B1tch, for any one who happens by, would like to take on any questions you may have. Food related, restaurant related, Fancy Club related, or whatever-related you want to ask, Ms. B is Queen and Wise and Savvy and has a cute brain that knows all manner of everything.

Ms. B1tch will ask the first question, because it was asked of her before:

"Ms. B1tch, Does it matter where a customer sits in a restaurant? Why do they make us sit at a certain table and get 'that look' when we ask to be moved?"

Well! It is because the restaurant floor is highly orchestrated! There is a "grid" laid out and the waitstaff take on sections. So, if one section for one waitstaff fills up too quickly, the waitstaff person can't keep up! So, you may have one waitstaff standing there with nothing to do, while the other waitstaff has multiple tables -- and the "Rules" are that the standing waitstaff isn't supposed to go into the "territory" of the other waitstaff, for then things get mixed and messed up -because what if suddenly that standing waitstaff's tables became uber busy? Then that person would have all their tables, plus the one taken from the area not assigned to them. Big mess. It also affects tips. If one waistaff gets many tables and the other waistaff gets few tables, then tips are not as evenly distributed...of course, tipping is another subject all together and Ms. B will address that later, too.

When the host or concierge seats you, it is done with a plan in mind. When a customer asks to be moved to another table, it upsets the balance. Should you never do it? Well, Ms. B1tch would say if you really desired another table, ask for it; however, if the restaurant is busy, you must keep that in mind: if you move to another table and then your service seems slower while at another table where the patrons came after you is served before you, then you know why! Of course, you may just have a crappy server, and if you do, then that is another matter and one we will discuss another time.

Ms. B1tch will return!